Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Turning the Corner or Hoping I Am Anyway

Most of my readers know that I have been sick for like 10 days or so. Not as sick as I normally get, but it has been rough going. Today was the first day that I actually could take a shower and not felt like I was going to fall over and crack my skull on the faucet. So that is a win for me! Yay me!

I like to celebrate the little things because it sucks to have to wait for the big things to celebrate. The only real issue I am having, well okay it is two issues is that I have this horrible cough. No wheezing, which is good because I am an asthmatic. And also the eye thing started again. I know! I was doing the happy dance and all when it quit after one day, it seemed that it was lulling me into a false sense of security.

So, I think that aside from the cough and the eye thing, I am turning the corner on this thing. Finally. The house phone is so messed up right now, so I had to forward the house phone to my cell phone and well that way no calls get missed and I have caller ID on my cell, so I can selectively miss calls.

My sleep schedule is so fucked up right now. I can’t even explain it here when I stop to think about it. Sigh. School resumes in October and I am so looking forward to it, but I know that I will be sad to give up the freedom that I have had these last few months. I like school and I have found that I am good at it.

I guess for so long when you have people in your life always telling you what you liked and did not like (A.K.A The Drama Queen from Hell and the Warden) you really begin to believe them. Well, since I have been away from them, I actually have found that school was only the first thing that they were wrong about. I love school because it is challenging and I find that I like being challenged. 

Oh man, I was tired today and still am kinda. Which is how I know I am healing. I think it will be chicken fajitas for dinner tonight. They sound so yummy and honestly I go back and forth between not being hungry at all to being so hungry I could eat a cow!! I know, normally people say horse, but I like horses too much to eat one.

I think it is time that I go. Ciao!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A Couple of Movies I Want to Talk About

I know that I am woefully behind in my movie watching and I just have to say that barring a new James Bond flick coming out, I can wait until the new movies are on Netflix or IN DEMAND. Although, I have to admit that I would not be spending actual money to see these. Which means waiting until they are out on HBO or Stars for the IN DEMAND.

Last night I saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Now, having just read that book, I was most interested in seeing it. The only really bad thing I have to say is that I wish they would have shown the funeral for Dumbledor and I wish that they would have shown the progression of the Ginny/Harry romance.  I know that they can not take the whole book and make the movie from that, although on an unrelated note that is what they did with The Big Sleep starring Humphrey Bogart. I have the movie and I have read the book and it is almost word for word until the end.

I will have to admit  (if you have not read the book or seen the movie and don’t want me to spoil it, do not read the next sentence, although you know that by my funeral statement that Dumbledor dies) that seeing Dumbledor die and reading about it are two different things. I cried when I read it, but actually seeing it happen in the movie was so.. I don’t think I have the words for it actually.

The other movie I saw last night was The Tourist with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. I loved this movie for a couple of reasons. The first one is that it is set mostly in Italy and I love Italy. The other one is that until  almost at the end, I had no idea how it would end. I really want to say here how it ends, but I won’t. Jolie’s character is in love with a mystery man and is being watched my Scotland Yard and some very bad Russian dudes. The man she is in love with is supposed to have stolen vast amounts of money from both.

This movie was a bit slow on the train, but it picks up once they are in Italy. Boat chases, foot chases, gun fire, etc… Paul Bettany is also in this movie, you might remember him from the DaVinci Code as the monk Silas. The one who whips himself naked. He plays a convincing Scotland Yard agent. Timothy Dalton is in this movie too but not a whole lot and you  have to really be looking for him in the end to recognize him.

All in all a pretty good night for movies I would say…

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Getting Back To Normal, What Ever That Might Be

So, finally able to eat regular food again, which is nice. I am very over soup for a while. I am feeling better. Not great but better, which is good. This weekend was rough. Got an email from John (kids dad) in Florida. Was not looking forward to reading it, but he was decent. My son’s birthday is Sept. 1st and he was wondering what I was doing.

I emailed him back and told him what I had planned to do, but it will be late because I have been so sick. I guess better late than not at all. It has been rough, all I have done is sleep and read some. Here towards the end, it has been basically sleeping. The not being able to swallow thing really bothered me. It was hard to deal with.

I am able to be up and moving around a little bit now.  I am still really tired though and doing very little makes me tired. So I am trying to not over do it just yet. So back on the road to recovery it seems. Hopefully I will be back to normal by next week.

Friday, August 26, 2011

An Updates of Sorts…

Today I am feeling better than I have in a while. I can finally swallow again ( no jokes please, I know exactly what it sounds like). They eye leaking thing has stopped. I am not coughing as much as before.

I am feeling better and I am hungry!!! So, I am all kinds of happy because this is the first day I have felt this good. Hopefully this trend will continue. Well off to read the seventh book of Harry Potter.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

This is Where I Am Today

This entry will probably be short and sweet because I am still sick. Not dead, but feels like that would be an alternative to this mess for sure. I have been reading mostly. I have not felt well and only wanted to chat with certain people. I am hoping to feel better by the end of the week. The nights are the worst for me though. I am sleeping a lot,which is good. Gotta go now, ciao!!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Memories of J-Land (AOL Journals)

Even though I am really sick, I could not let J-Land’s anniversary get by without some kind of entry. If you don’t know what I am talking about, today is the anniversary of AOL Journals or J-Land as we like to call it. Although it does not exist anymore, some of us like to commemorate one of the best places to journal and where most of us got our start journaling. We all have since moved on to other platforms or even stopped journaling all together, but we all remember where we started.

J-Land was fun and it is where I met most of my blog buddies. Some have become very good friends since then. Although we have a kind of support group on Facebook, to me it is not the same. I miss the AOL journals. I have since moved on to Blogger like so many of us have/did. While I am still journaling here and in a private journal, it is not the same really. So, Happy anniversary J-Land, I for one miss you very much. 

Saturday, August 20, 2011


Julie, me and PatienceToday is Julie’s mom’s memorial and I could not make it actually for a couple of reasons, but the most pressing one is that I am sick. Really sick. Sigh. I feel bad about not being there and all but I would not go even if I lived in Florida in this condition anyway. I still miss Cindy a lot and think about her everyday.

In a way, this was like my own mother dying, only more emotional for me. Julie and I talked about her mom when we spoke and it was nice to laugh about some of the silly stuff that she and I did together back in the day.

I was talking to another person who knew me back in the day and was around when Julie and I were always together. He was remembering what it was like to be around us together and reminded me that Julie and I are like sisters. Which reminded me that people would always ask if we were actually sisters. That always made us laugh. We are not, but back then, everyone thought we were. We would finish each other’s sentences and everything.

Julie’s mom was an amazing photographer and she took my wedding photos. They were wonderful and I was grateful. She also took a couple of photos that I will add here. Of course, these are high school photos, so ….. They are old. LOL.

 Homecoming our freshman year in Lely

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Harry Potter & Sick

So, I ordered all the Harry Potter books (yeah, I know I am a nerd). I have already read the first one and more than half way through the second one. I have read them all but the last one before, but I wanted to re read before I start watching the last 3 movies. As a friend recently said to me ‘the books are always better than the movies’ and he was right. Although honestly I have been trying to get him to see that for years!! Finally a convert!

I am also sick now. Ugh. I hate being sick and yes, I am hydrating and all of that. I am having soup for dinner tonight because honestly I don’t think my throat can take much more than that. Sigh. I guess that this is what I get for not sleeping like I should. But the nightmares are not good lately so I have been sleeping little again. Double sigh.

Good thing I am not in school right now because this would so totally suck if I was. I took some time off I am returning in October so don’t freak out or anything. I needed a break. It is nice to be able to read for fun once again instead of all the psychology text books and stuff. I am looking forward to getting back into school and all though.

So many people have called and texted me to see if I was okay. Although I freaked a friend out when I called him today because apparently I sounded like I was crying. I was not. My throat is not good. So he was all OMG what is wrong?!?!? Which made me feel so good. Thanks to all my friends who have asked about me today, I appreciate it.

Today is Johnny’s birthday. I know. Happy birthday!! Muah. He is a bit older than me. I think that everyone’s birthday should be special. So, as limited as I am, I tried to make his special for him.

Well, back to my Harry Potter book now. Hopefully feeling better tomorrow. Ciao.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Self Truths

Everyone eventually discovers their own self truths. Not everyone will go looking for them and sooner or later they will smack you in the face and you will have to deal with them. On the same level, everyone realizes when they have to take responsibility for their own life. Now, admittedly not everyone will actually take responsibility for their own life.

I personally realized that I had to take responsibility for my own life after I got divorced at 19. Which made me different than most of my friends of the same age. I had been through some major stuff and had come out on the other side. The only thing different, was I was no longer a kid. So much bad stuff in my life and ugliness, I realized that I could not really expect anyone else to take responsibility for my bad choices, starting with my ex husband.

It is not easy being responsible for your own life. I make bad choices and I have to deal with them. I have had some issues here and there with choices I have made and now I am smarter about the choices I make. I am more picky about who spends time in my world. I no longer let just anyone in and I am all the better for it.

That was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn, that not all people who want to be in your life should be in your life. If someone wants to be in your life, they will make choices, time, and do things to show you they want to be there. Sometimes, I would let people into my life who did not show me that they wanted to be there. I just allowed them in and they created havoc and left my life in shambles a lot of the time.

I got smart eventually. Now a days, you have to prove that you want into my life before you are invited, kind of like an initiation into a really cool club. You have to pass the test before you are a member and not everyone passes the test. Those people you have to be willing to let go when they fail. That is the hardest part in my opinion. There will be some people  that you really want in your life and they will fail the test. You have to let them go, they might be back and when they come back they may pass that test. If they don’t come back, well, maybe it was better that way.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Monday Oh Monday

Over the weekend, I found out that a friend of mine, A will be moving to California. Not just willy nilly moving as it were, but to accept an amazing opportunity and I am really happy for him. I know that I did not seem like it when I spoke to him, but I was honestly and truly caught off guard. I will miss A a lot and I know that it will be amazing and challenging.

Also over the weekend, I also realized some things about myself that were not particularly flattering. I won’t go into them here because I am never sure who exactly reads this. I am okay with what I realized and I have to make some changes here soon.

I have been catching up on my DVR’d shows so I could make room for more episodes.  Well, I am gonna run. Ciao!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Feeling Better

While I know that today is only Saturday, it was a rough week for me. Although it is ending better than it started admittedly. I am doing better, thank you to all of you who have taken the time to leave comments on here and Facebook. Especially those who have taken the time to email or even call me. I appreciate it more than I can express. Times like this, you really do find out who your friends are.

Okay, so where to begin… Today is a day for me to kind of catch up with stuff. In the middle if the thing with Julie’s mom, I was enrolled in an orientation class for my new school and since it was a do it at your own pace thing, I kinda just blew it off for the week. Now, I did call and explain to my academic person and she was all kinds of cool with it, as long as I get it done. So, I am going to look at that today and start. Not that I am anticipating any kinds of issues with it.

I have learned a very important lesson in all of this last week or so and that is that I have to make time for the important people in my life because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Sadly, that was hammered home to me and I realized that I had not been doing that as of late. So, I am going to try to make that the first thing I do everyday. I know that some days I will fail and that is okay. I am also learning to forgive myself as well.

I have learned that I can only do what I can do, but to at least try. So, I am trying. I miss mom #2 a lot. I know she is watching over me and that feels good. There are certain things that will make me tear up and cry still, but I am getting better at not crying so much. Moving on sucks, but I know it is essential. Moving on doesn’t mean that I will miss her any less or that my heart still is not hurting. Because it is and I will always miss her. I can’t not live my life and I know she would not want that.

So, getting better everyday. Love you Julie and you are on my mind constantly. So is your dad.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Trying To Get Back To Normal

This week has been trying for me, I know it is only Wednesday but when you think about how the week began you can see my point here. I have been thinking about Julie’s mom since Monday when she died and I miss her terribly. I know she would not want me to sit around and cry for her all the time, but honestly it is so hard to get moving on.

I spoke with Julie on Monday for a bit and it was nice to talk to her. We talked about her mom mostly and how much we both miss her and some of the things I remember about her and the good she did in my life. I could give you so many examples of that, but since this is a public blog, I really don’t want to out myself on some things here. But trust me, she was there for me when I really needed someone.

I know she is in heaven watching over all of us who loved her. I know she is not in any more pain and I am grateful for that. I am trying to get things together to move on with life, because as so many people have told me lately, life is for the living. I know this in my head. My heart is breaking and I know that I will be able to move on soon. Right now I am trying to grieve for this woman who was like my mom.

I miss you Cindy and I love you much. I know you are watching over me and I am thankful for that as well as for you being in my life when I needed you most.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Julie’s Mom

This morning Julie’s mom died. She is no longer in pain and that is good. I miss her. Please send prayers.